Step 57: Stand By Me

In light of how many hours I put into the darn thing, I feel compelled to write a personal review of Final Fantasy XV, which I finally finished a few days ago. It's taken me that long to let the finale sink in and let my thoughts percolate in my brain, but after rewatching the ending several times remember the days before YouTube when you could only watch a scene the one time you played it?? haha yeah those days sucked and reading 3904820934787 fan theories on how to interpret the ending, I think I'm ready to share my feelings about it. (Heavy end-game spoilers and .gifs after the jump--you've been warned!)

Step 56: Confess (Day 11/12/13)

NGL, I've been slacking off on #authorconfession because I've been playing waaaaaay too much Final Fantasy XV.

Just look at this smarmy fuck. How can you not spend obscene amounts of time gazing into his sultry eyes?

So without further ado, here are my catch-up answers:

Day 11. WORD COUNT REPORT!

At the present time, I have three WIPs in various stages of completion. Their word counts are as follows:

• WIP #1: ~90,000 words (way too long)
• WIP #2: ~70,000 words (much more reasonable)
• WIP #3: ~50,000 words (but I expect it to land somewhere between WIP #1 and WIP #2's length)
• Final Fantasy XV: 90+ hours (I have no life)

Considering it's only been fairly recently that I've taken writing seriously, the fact that I've literally written nearly three entire books in less than two years definitely feels like I've leveled up as a creative artist.

Fist bump, anyone? No? Well, okay then.

Day 12. Rate your WIP from tame to steamy.

Here's a little TMI tidbit about myself: I love steamy books. When I was an early teenager, I used to pilfer my mom's trashy romance novels from her when she wasn't looking and skip ahead to the hot stuff. I wrote filthy Star Wars fanfiction long before I ever lost my virginity, and now that I'm hoping to write professionally for a living, you can bet I'm going to try and shoehorn sexy scenes into my WIPs when and where appropriate.

Final Fantasy XV: The gif(t) that keeps on giving.

That said, there actually isn't a lot of gratuitous smut in any of my WIPs. They're contemporary YA books, not adult romance novels, which means that the sexy stuff serves the plot instead of visa versa. WIP #1 has a few steamy kisses, but no actual copulation; WIP #2 does have a sex scene in it, but the deed is less Cruel Intentions-level sexy and more The 40 Year Old Virgin-level embarrassing; WIP #3 depicts yet another sex scene, but one of the characters is fantasizing about a former lover rather than the one currently between their legs.

Like this, but even more awkward.

Day 13. Who'd make the worst couple in your WIP?

Focusing on the most "complete" of my WIPs, I'd argue that the worst couple in my MS had already gotten together and broken up prior to the events of the book. It's one of the sources of conflict in the story--ex flame meets new flame, chaos ensues--and as bad as they were for each other when they were a couple, at the same time they were seemingly the only people on the planet who could love the other in spite of their faults.

I'm terrified of accidentally spoiling the FFXV plot by looking for more gifs, so here's one from the Bad Romance video instead.

And that's all for today! Keep an eye out for more thinly veiled excuses to spam this blog with Final Fantasy XV trash #authorconfession posts!

Step 55: Confess (Day 9/10)

I finally figured out how to save all those photos Prompto takes in Final Fantasy XV to my hard drive, and boy do I have some gems.

brb getting my ass kicked

I still have a million about 149 more to go through, so until I get them all downloaded I'll catch up on yesterday and today's #authorconfession:

Day 9. Meanest thing you've done to a character?

I suppose the easy answer to this would be to simply refer readers of this blog to yesterday's post, but where's the fun in that? Other than physically killing one off, the second meanest thing I've probably done to any character is put them through a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. A series of unfortunate events, if we're running with the bad literary puns. Their day starts off with so much potential, but after stepping in puke, discovering their car won't start, having their secret outed by a friend, and ending up in one of the most awkward and embarrassing sexual situations of their life, their spirit is finally broken.

And then someone dies.

My MC, after Chapter 18.

Day 10. You'd be most excited to see your WIP _______.

Embraced. That's all I could really ask for as a writer--to have readers embrace the story I've woven. It's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but it's the best I was able to spin with the literary skills I have currently available to me, and if even one person reads the book and then immediately hugs their Kindle after finishing it, it would make me a very *happy camper.

*You know what else makes me a happy camper? Ignis camping happily.

A secondary pipe dream would be to see either parts of the book illustrated, or eventually entirely adapted into graphic novel form; the story began life as a comic book, and I think it would be really cool to watch it come full circle from how I had originally envisioned it ten years ago. One person on the #authorconfession Twitter feed mentioned how they'd love to see their story on the big screen, and while I don't think my book would really be great movie fodder, I could totally imagine it being translated into a shōjo-style anime à la Kareshi Kanojo no Jijō.

Where it's hard to tell apart the boys from the girls.

Step 54: Confess (Day 8)

Today in Final Fantasy XV news: I need to work on my aim when spellcasting.

Even Noctis is judging my poor hand-eye coordination.

Which is tangentially related to today's #authorconfession:

Day 8. How do you cope with killing your darlings?

To date, I have only killed off one character in any my WIPs, which is one more than my liking. The answer is: it was hard. I knew when I started that particular manuscript that the character was going to die, and had hoped that by accepting their fate early on, I'd be able to fortify my resolve to go through with it when the time came.

Spoilers: I waffled. A lot.

In the end, I did manage to pull the trigger (so to speak), but I experienced an odd period of mourning over the loss of a fictional character conceived entirely in my own head. Said character wasn't particularly likable, to be perfectly frank--they were always meant to be somewhat of an antagonist to the MC. An antithesis, if you will, of what the MC could have been had their life taken a different path.

But the character grew on me over the course of writing the book, and their untimely death was a direct result of the tragedies they sustained in life. In some ways their demise was preventable, and in other ways it wasn't; in the end, my hope is that the impact they left in their wake will keep them alive in the minds of readers and other characters alike.

Step 52: Confess (Day 7)

I'm going to start tagging some of these posts with a #FinalFantasyXV label becAUSE OMG THIS GAME GIVES ME ALL THE FEELSSSSS

CHOCOBROS 4 LIFE Y'ALL

Ahem. Onto the #authorconfession:

Day 7. Tell us about a CONFLICT in your WIP

My current MS is a YA contemporary romance, so most of the conflict in the book revolves around the usual teen angst: bad grades, problematic exes, school bullies, etc. The two MCs find common ground that helps them to resolve these issues, but there's a slow-burning mystery that I think is the real meat-and-potatoes of the plot.

LAYERS UPON LAYERS

Without delving into massive spoilers, my hope is that upon finishing the book readers will realize how this mystery ultimately influenced the choices of one of the characters throughout the story, and perhaps encourage them to reread the novel with this newly enlightened knowledge. Barring that, it certainly sets up some interesting dilemmas for any *future installments!

*Which may or may never see the light of day depending on whether my first book crashes and burns.

Step 51: Confess (Day 4/5/6)

I didn't keep up with #authorconfession over the weekend because I was too busy being complete and utter Final Fantasy XV trash (apologies to my Twitter followers).

I REGRET NOTHING

But I'm back at it again with the white vans, so here are my answers for the last three days worth of questions, compiled into one blog post for all two of you who might be reading this!

Day 4. Which celeb would play your MC?

The narrator of my WIP is sort of an everygirl, and is essentially just an avatar for the reader to project themselves onto. To that end, I spared most of the details of her appearance so that the reader might conjure up their own image of her.

The secondary MC, on the other hand, has a very specific set of physical attributes defined in the novel. I described her as a strange beauty with "elven-like features that were angular yet delicate" and hair so red it was "as if Hades himself had lit a pilot light over her head and had forgotten to turn the stove off". I've cycled through various celebrity comparisons in my brain over the course of writing the book, and I think I've finally settled on the love child of Tilda Swinton and a young David Bowie.

They're kind of the same person anyway TBH

Day 5. Be honest: How's your world building?

One of the earliest critiques I received from a beta reader was my weak world building. The setting of my current WIP is a small town in New Hampshire, and yet I had done nothing to really describe the uniqueness of life in the far Northeast. Sure, there was snowy weather in my book, but exactly what kind of snow? Was it the fluffy kind that feels chewy when you eat it, or the miserable wet kind that leaves residue from the salt-treated sidewalk on your nice leather boots? It took this Southern California native going to New Hampshire over the course of three Christmases and strolling around rural neighborhoods in sub-freezing temperatures to fully absorb the nuanced details of what living there was really like.

It's kind of like that.

So I can confidently say that my world building has improved a great deal from my earliest drafts. I may not have invented a whole new Planetos à la George R. R. Martin in A Song of Ice and Fire, but at least my teenagers are now eating lunch in the dead of winter inside an actual cafeteria building instead of outside on a quad because that's all I knew when I was in high school.

Day 6. How do you show diversity in your work?

We're treading dangerously close to spoiler territory, so I'll have to remain tight-lipped on the details of this answer. Admittedly, my cast is almost entirely white (an unfortunate byproduct of it being set in Caucasianland, NH), but I hope to rectify that oversight in future novels. What I can say is that this book is firmly rooted in the LGBTQ+ genre, so hopefully some underrepresented voices will find enjoyment with my story.

It's gonna bE FABULOUUUUUUUUUSSSS

Step 50: Confess (Day 3)

Day 3 of #authorconfession! Today's prompt(o)***:

What is the best compliment you've had?

This is a tough question to answer, because A) I haven't shown my WIP to too many people yet, and B) validation often comes disguised in the form of a rejection. I've had several agents read my full and compliment my strong writing and voice even when they've passed on the MS, and my current WIP was selected for #PitchWars, which says to me that someone out there felt like I had a story worth telling.

I write lies for a living. Please buy my lies.

Still, I haven't had anyone say in no uncertain terms "ZOMG BEST BOOK EVAR!!!11oneeleven", and the longer it's been since I mailed out that first agent query, the less confidence I have in my own storytelling abilities. Some days I wonder if I'm chasing a dead dream, if my book sucks monkey balls, if I'm wasting my time trying to answer a question no one asked. But then I think about the characters in my story, who live and breath and triumph in my imagination, and I'm compelled to continue moving forward.

So maybe the best compliment I ever received is from myself: Yes, Shea, your story does matter.

***I finally (heh) picked up Final Fantasy XV yesterday. Noctis, Gladiolus, Ignis and Prompto send their regards from my Xbox One.

This .gif about sums up my feelings.

Step 42: Answer The Ultimate Question Of Life, The Universe, And Everything

If you don't get the reference to this post title, that's okay. I've never actually read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and I consider myself to be one of the foremost experts on geek culture.

Shame indeed, Septa Unella.  SHAME INDEED.

The Twitter event #PitchWars is coming up, which is sort of like a pre-published author version of The Hunger Games. Or Battle Royale, if you're an 90's anime weaboo like I am.

If you weren't ~*blessed*~ to grow up with Sailor Moon, I feel sorry for you.

Some writers are pimping out their Author Bios under the cleverly-titled hashtag, #PimpMyBio. So I thought I'd throw my hat into the ring, even though for me writing a personal bio is about as much fun as jerking off using a hedgehog.

On the one hand, ow. On the other hand... I mean, you're still masturbating. /letscallitadraw

Shall we get started?  First and foremost, here's some basic stats.  I am:

• 31 years old but forever 17 in my head
• A cisgendered female
• Happily married to a man but would identify myself somewhere on the queer spectrum
• A San Diego native
• A 2007 alumna of the University of California, San Diego with a B.A. in Visual Arts

I've worked professionally as a freelance illustrator in the comic book industry since 2009, but my real passion has always been in graphic novels (Blankets changed my goddamned life--seriously, go read it right now). My short graphic story, Strawberry Wine, was a winner of TokyoPop's 2008 Rising Stars of Manga contest and was published nationally in their anthology book. The manuscript that I am currently peddling about, Defining Lines, actually started life as a graphic novel, and I would love to revisit the medium one day (time and finances permitting).

And so long as my drawing hand doesn't fail me.

At any rate, this little spiel of mine is starting to sound suspiciously like a query letter, so lets move on to the fun stuff.  In my spare time, I like to:

• Cosplay
• Draw
• Read
• Play video games

Pertaining to that last one, I am an especially avid fan of the Final Fantasy franchise. My all-time favorite game is Final Fantasy X, and I will fight anyone who says Final Fantasy VIII is a shit game and not worth playing.

Take your FFVII superiority complex and shove it.

I also enjoy decorating my Lakeview Manor house in Skyrim with the bones of fallen dragons I have slain:

Unless they slay me first.  It happens.

And to round this post out, I'm going to link to a few random .gifs that are relevant to my interests:

When u sneeze so hard u regenerate

Exhibit A: My first sexual awakening

Real men wear pink.
(Alternate caption: Bye Felicia~)

Data with his emotion chip is just the best I can't even

Welp, that about sums it up!  I hope you enjoyed this little stroll down .gif lane, and I'm looking forward to #PitchWars! May the odds May the Force Live Long and okay whatever good luck everyone!

EDIT:  Most mentees appear to be including some info about their manuscripts along with their bios, so here's mine in a nutshell--

DEFINING LINES is the story of an awkward girl who suddenly becomes popular and--hahaha just kidding, awkward girl stays totally awkward and unexpectedly finds her Prince Princess Charming! YA Contemporary LGBTQ+ Romance with a sprinkling of David Bowie and pop culture, complete at 92,000 words.

Step 6: Consider The Following

Since I don't have any news to report on the literary front, and since this blog is my own little corner of the web for me to do as I please, I'm going to discuss my feelings on something that has been making the rounds of the internet the last few days. I recognize it's a touchy subject, and as an upper-middle class, heterosexual, cisgendered, white female, I am acutely aware of the fact that my voice will not weigh as heavily as others (which is 100% understandable and totally okay by me).

It has to do with a little movie called Ghost in the Shell.

Motoko Kunasagi or Mary Kemp? You decide.

I'm just going to get this out of the way right off the bat: I don't agree with this casting decision. I've loved Scarlett Johansson ever since I saw her in The Horse Whisperer, but this doesn't have anything to do with her acting abilities. Ghost in the Shell is an established world set in futuristic Japan, and the main character has a name that clearly reflects her ethnicity. I absolutely believe that there is a systematic cycle of whitewashing in Hollywood, and this casting choice just reinforces that fact. An amazing opportunity to cast a minority actress in the lead role has been squandered.

"But Shea!" you might say. "Ghost in the Shell is a work of fiction! She's a cyborg! Maybe she changed her face! Maybe the producers needed a big name attached to the movie to get it funded! Aren't you happy that a beloved manga and anime series is getting a Hollywood adaptation?"

My response to all of the above is: Perhaps. Yes, I'm happy to see that Hollywood is showing interest in some of my favorite stories. Yes, it is a work of fiction, and we've seen a few directors step up to cast actors that go against the established grain, like Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury and Michael B. Jordan as Johnny Storm. But before you unleash your cries of unfairness and double standards, let me just point out that there is no shortage of movies for white actors to star in. All minorities want is their slice of the pie.

...without being the token black guy. There, I said it.

I don't think that's asking for too much. And with Ghost in the Shell, there's an added layer of insult to injury in the fact that Hollywood has backed a movie clearly set in Neo-Japan, but decided that the one thing that would make it better is by casting a white actress in the lead role that was clearly intended to be an Asian character. You know what that's called? Cultural appropriation.

Say it ain't so!

Now, cultural appropriation is a loaded term. There are some instances that are so obvious we as a society have (completely mostly somewhat) eradicated them from our system. Black face is one example, as is wearing a Native American headdress if you haven't touched an enemy in battle.  There are other instances that fall more into a grey area, like caucasians wearing their hair in traditionally black styles; I would love to sport braids, but I have listened to what people of color are saying, and out of respect I have opted not to wear them.

So what about instances where a society encourages other ethnicities to embrace aspects of their culture? Is it still cultural appropriation if someone of said culture says it's okay? I'm not asking this as a rhetorical question--I actually need to know. Because if it isn't, I have a pretty uncomfortable revelation for you: I have cosplayed as Motoko Kunasagi myself.

Dun dun DUN.

In fact, it isn't even the first time I've cosplayed as someone Japanese...

Sakabatō fictionalized for dramatic purposes.

...or changed my skin color to more accurately portray a character...

Does this chainmail make my ass look big?

Granted, Fran from Final Fantasy XII is technically an alien species, but when I put on the makeup for the first time in 2007, admittedly cultural and racial appropriation was not on my mind. It has since been brought to my attention that darkening your skin--even for silly purposes like cosplay--is not kosher in this day and age, and I would hesitate to do it again.

There's obviously a wide gap between cosplay hobbyists and Hollywood, and I never considered attempting to make myself look more Asian anytime I wore a culturally-specific costume, but it's still food for thought. I am an active member of the cosplay community, and the last thing I want to do is trample on other people's feelings in a misguided effort to show my love for a fandom. To that effect, I am still trying to understand the nuances of appropriation within the grander scheme of things, such as casting a Chinese actress in a Japanese role, or a cisgendered actor in a transgendered role. There is something to be said about taking baby steps when it comes to bringing a traditionally closeted subject to the forefront of Hollywood--I am thankful that shows like Ghost in the Shell and Transparent are finally getting the spotlight they so richly deserve--but how long can we give them a pass in favor of exposure before getting to the heart of the matter and pointing out why they are flawed?

The world may never know.