Step 42: Answer The Ultimate Question Of Life, The Universe, And Everything

If you don't get the reference to this post title, that's okay. I've never actually read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and I consider myself to be one of the foremost experts on geek culture.

Shame indeed, Septa Unella.  SHAME INDEED.

The Twitter event #PitchWars is coming up, which is sort of like a pre-published author version of The Hunger Games. Or Battle Royale, if you're an 90's anime weaboo like I am.

If you weren't ~*blessed*~ to grow up with Sailor Moon, I feel sorry for you.

Some writers are pimping out their Author Bios under the cleverly-titled hashtag, #PimpMyBio. So I thought I'd throw my hat into the ring, even though for me writing a personal bio is about as much fun as jerking off using a hedgehog.

On the one hand, ow. On the other hand... I mean, you're still masturbating. /letscallitadraw

Shall we get started?  First and foremost, here's some basic stats.  I am:

• 31 years old but forever 17 in my head
• A cisgendered female
• Happily married to a man but would identify myself somewhere on the queer spectrum
• A San Diego native
• A 2007 alumna of the University of California, San Diego with a B.A. in Visual Arts

I've worked professionally as a freelance illustrator in the comic book industry since 2009, but my real passion has always been in graphic novels (Blankets changed my goddamned life--seriously, go read it right now). My short graphic story, Strawberry Wine, was a winner of TokyoPop's 2008 Rising Stars of Manga contest and was published nationally in their anthology book. The manuscript that I am currently peddling about, Defining Lines, actually started life as a graphic novel, and I would love to revisit the medium one day (time and finances permitting).

And so long as my drawing hand doesn't fail me.

At any rate, this little spiel of mine is starting to sound suspiciously like a query letter, so lets move on to the fun stuff.  In my spare time, I like to:

• Cosplay
• Draw
• Read
• Play video games

Pertaining to that last one, I am an especially avid fan of the Final Fantasy franchise. My all-time favorite game is Final Fantasy X, and I will fight anyone who says Final Fantasy VIII is a shit game and not worth playing.

Take your FFVII superiority complex and shove it.

I also enjoy decorating my Lakeview Manor house in Skyrim with the bones of fallen dragons I have slain:

Unless they slay me first.  It happens.

And to round this post out, I'm going to link to a few random .gifs that are relevant to my interests:

When u sneeze so hard u regenerate

Exhibit A: My first sexual awakening

Real men wear pink.
(Alternate caption: Bye Felicia~)

Data with his emotion chip is just the best I can't even

Welp, that about sums it up!  I hope you enjoyed this little stroll down .gif lane, and I'm looking forward to #PitchWars! May the odds May the Force Live Long and okay whatever good luck everyone!

EDIT:  Most mentees appear to be including some info about their manuscripts along with their bios, so here's mine in a nutshell--

DEFINING LINES is the story of an awkward girl who suddenly becomes popular and--hahaha just kidding, awkward girl stays totally awkward and unexpectedly finds her Prince Princess Charming! YA Contemporary LGBTQ+ Romance with a sprinkling of David Bowie and pop culture, complete at 92,000 words.

Step 28: Discover Paradise

I apologize for this blog turning into something of an anime reviewing forum but OH MY GOD I JUST WATCHED THE BEST SHOW EVAR!!!!111oneeleven

You might even say watching it felt like... paradise.

That's not even me being sarcastic. Paradise Kiss is downright ancient by modern anime standards, and while I was familiar with Ai Yazawa's work (I read a few chapters of Nana back in the day), somehow I've only just now sat down to watch ParaKiss. It hits all the right spots: highly complex relationships, a diverse cast (a bisexual character and a transgender character introduced in the first episode? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP), gorgeous clothes, realistic depictions of love and sex, etc.

YES LET'S GET ON WITH IT ALREADY

All the characters are noteworthy and deserving of praise, but I want to talk about George for just a minute. Normally I wouldn't give a pass to a character who is such an asshole, but George is so unabashedly a prick that you can't quite fault him for his innate personality. He goes out of his way to manipulate people--and not always in a bad way. Yukari transforms from a weak girl unsure of her future to a strong woman with a sense of purpose thanks to George's less-than-gentle prodding.

Laaaaadies... (And gentlemen too, apparently.)

I probably won't read the manga because for once, an anime properly adapted the entire comic from start to finish (it helps that the manga was only 5 volumes). But I want to give a special shout-out to the art of Ai Yazawa, which the anime faithfully retained. Yazawa's style is much different than the usual cookie-cutter moe characters with big googly eyes you normally associate with Japanese manga and anime, and she puts her fashion background to illustrious use. I guess my only real complaint is the bittersweet ending to Paradise Kiss, because I loves me some happy endings and ParaKiss doesn't wrap everything up in a nice little bowtie, but it certainly elicited all the feels inside of me. I'll leave you with a blog post someone else wrote that discusses the art of happy endings, and who put into words far better than I could what it means to have a satisfying conclusion to a series while still retaining a realistic nature.

We'll always have Paris... Just kidding Yukari doesn't go with George to France cue me crying all the tears

Step 27: Hate-Watch

The other day I talked about hate-reading the Kare Kano manga; last night I hate-watched an anime titled Say "I Love You". In my never-ending quest to find a good romantic series to sink my teeth into, I stumbled upon every cliché high school trope known to man (ugly girl attracts the most popular guy in school, violently possessive boyfriend, girlfriend with a major tsundere complex, etc.) all rolled into one goddamned train wreck of a show--and I'm only four episodes in.

*urge to throttle main character rising*

And yet, Say "I Love You" is just endearing enough to keep me interested. I feel like I ought to turn in my feminist card for being even remotely charmed by its ridiculous premise, but I'm such a freaking sucker for anything that tugs on my heartstrings that I can't seem to peel my eyes away. It's stories like this that probably give women the wrong idea of men and relationships (because seriously this shit does not happen in real life), but come on--what girl who has ever struggled with self-esteem issues didn't fantasize about catching the attention of someone as hot as Kurosawa Yamato?

Y hello thar.

Even though I indulge in the occasional guilty pleasure, I've always tried to keep my own ideas as grounded in reality as possible. The very first story I ever wrote featured a totally average, relatively unpopular high school girl who finds love--not in the star quarterback, but in a fellow nerdy student. And you know what? She comes to appreciate her averageness, and embraces her relationship with her average boyfriend wholeheartedly.

Art circa 2003.  I may have to revisit this someday...

I'll be the first to admit that my book isn't entirely absent of clichés, but I tried my hardest to give them context, or at the very least hang a lantern on them. I feel like Defining Lines would be a perfect story to adapt in animated form (more so than live-action for... reasons), and sometimes I wonder if there is someone I could sleep with talk to about getting it in front of the eyes of an animation director. Perhaps there are too many cultural differences for it to be appealing to a Japanese studio, but still... *sighs dreamily*

C'mon, Japan--I know you want a piece of this shōjo fluff.

Step 26: Dress Dapper

One thing that I really love about Kare Kano is Tsuda Masami's attention to fashion. I have about as much fashion sense as a bridge troll (and live approximately the same kind of lifestyle), but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate beautiful clothes. Tsuda makes some questionable choices when dressing her characters, but generally speaking, her sense of style is on fleek.

Uh... generally speaking.

Fashion is one thing that I've always struggled drawing without reference (I would have made a shit fashion designer). I have to scour Pinterest for hours on end if I want to put my characters in anything other than leggings and a t-shirt. That being said, it's not like anyone has to twist my arm to get me to look at pretty girls in cute clothes! My very favorite is when women are dressed in suits; it doesn't matter if it's a feminine or masculine cut, or if the models embrace their long locks or have it cropped into a more boyish style--it just stirs something inside of me. I love androgyny and those who are brave enough to push the boundaries of our binary society, and as far as I'm concerned, ties look great on anyone and everyone.

Preach on, Doctor.

I played around with dressing one of the protagonists of my book in a suit. Red is extremely girly, so I'm not sure if a suit would--ahem--suit the character, but I think it looks cool. It was also kind of an exercise in messing with negative space, so for a couple of hours of work, I'll call it a win. I've been drawing Red with bangs up to this point, but I'm just going to pretend they're slicked back.  Because, fashion.

Haute couture, y'all.

Step 25: Hate-Read

I mentioned before that I rewatched Kareshi Kanojo no Jijō, but the anime ended abruptly due to creative differences between the manga-ka and the director of the show (Anno Hideaki of Neon Genesis Evangelion fame, of all people). However, the manga saw the story of Miyazawa Yukino and Arima Sōichirō to completion, so I picked it up again after not having read it in many years.

*Anticipates relishing in all the 2003 feels*

It's... actually a lot worse than I remembered, haha. I forgot how choked it was with walking stereotypes of brooding male jerk wads and the submissive women who love them. Also, everyone marries their high school sweethearts and lives happily ever after, as if teenagers become frozen in time and don't go through any formidable periods of self-growth in their twenties. So, yeah--not a particularly accurate depiction of reality. I was all over that shit like a fat kid on a cupcake when I was eighteen, but my 31-year-old self is more dubious.

What the hell did I just read?

It's not entirely without its merits--Tsuda Masami-sensei crafts a gripping, wonderfully-woven story over the course of 21 volumes--and I certainly enjoyed reading it as a guilty pleasure. Furthermore, I have to credit Kare Kano for influencing my sequential art over the years; in shōjo manga, dramatic pacing is everything, and Kare Kano brings drama in spades. But it also relies heavily on physical violence (hitting people is a sign that you love them, I guess?), and my earlier drafts of Defining Lines included an embarrassing slapping scene that I thankfully omitted in later revisions becaUSE DUH HITTING IS NOT OKAY.

What is it with Japan and smacking people???

I have to poke fun at Kare Kano for one more thing: In later volumes of the manga, Tsuda clearly began phoning the art in. KKNJ was never the visual masterpiece that Rurouni Kenshin was, but the manga-ka literally began cutting and pasting photos of actual things into the art when it became too much of a bother to actually draw the object in question. Because, you know, it's not like she was getting paid to be an artist, or anything.

His and Her Circumstances Thinly Veiled Attempt at Rendering Shoes

Step 21: Accept The Circumstances

There's a reason why I end up watching the same five animes over and over again, and it goes a little something like this:

Me: I wish I could find a series as good as [blank]

Me: *tries watching something similar to [blank]*

Me: ...

Me: Fuck it im just gonna watch [blank]

After binging on Rurouni Kenshin and Ghost in the Shell for the last few weeks, I wanted to shift gears and watch something cute and romantic in the vein of Kareshi Kanojo no Jijō (His and Her Circumstances in North America), or Kare Kano, for short. I started an episode of the highly recommended Clannad, but ultimately decided that it had been far too long since I had revisited Kare Kano and settled with devouring the first 12 episodes last night.

Freckles is arguably the most upbeat anime opening, but Tenshi no Yubikiri sure gives it a run for it's money.

What I love so much about Kare Kano is it's essentially a master class in romantic tension. The story doesn't suddenly stop becoming interesting when the two main characters get together; the tension builds at each new milestone of their relationship, from the moment they hold hands for the first time, to their first kiss, to their first heavy kiss, to the first time Arima Sōichirō touches Miyazawa Yukino's breasts (done extremely tastefully, I might add), to when he finally confesses that he wants to make love to her.

My 18-year old self seriously needed a cigarette after watching Kare Kano.

That's all pretty explicit subject matter for a show aimed at teenage girls, but it's exactly what made it so real to me. I loved Sailor Moon as much as the next 90's tween, but I couldn't identify with shojo magic the same way I could with Kare Kano. It was the series that made me realize that anime absolutely was a valid storytelling platform, as much as any Hollywood movie I saw.

Who knew hand-holding would be such a turn on?

I have bittersweet memories attached to Kare Kano. When I first discovered it in 2003, I was a year into what would turn into a seven-year romance with a former boyfriend, and so much of Kare Kano was relatable in my own relationship. Yukino and Sōichirō got their happy ending in the manga, and I... well, I got my own happy ending, albeit in a different way than I had imagined.  Still, I have photos to remember the good, and whenever I hear the instrumental tune of Yume no Naka E, I'm transported to a moment in time that my aching, cynical heart longs for.

As Yukino's father wisely said, "A day in high school is more precious than a moment in adulthood."

Step 20: Listen To Your Ghost

In light of the new movie coming out (and my reservations regarding it), my husband and I decided to revisit the Ghost in the Shell universe by binge-watching Stand Alone Complex and SAC: 2nd Gig. Truthfully, I had all but forgotten just how good it is, and upon completion of it I resolved to make my next book as intelligent and carefully-woven as the GitS series.

My introduction to Ghost in the Shell was actually via the 2004 movie Innocence. It was playing at a tiny indie theater near my house, and since I was at my peak Weaboo in the early 2000's, without hesitation I went to watch it not knowing anything about the franchise. In a lot of ways, I feel like Innocence is the best way to introduce someone new to the series; the animation far surpasses that of the first movie (which honestly, in spite of the dated 90's garb, still holds up pretty well) and perhaps even the TV show, and the mystery surrounding the character of the Major certainly made me want to learn more about the series.

Still, Togusa and Batou in their Miami Vice outfits has its charm.

I guess it goes without saying that one of the things I love so much about this series is its strong female protagonist. It's not a plot point or a storytelling device; it just is. Major Kusanagi is the CO of an elite counter-cyberterrorist unit called Section 9, and her fellow team members follow her loyally without questioning her abilities. They make no comments on her choice of clothes or the women ("Floozies", as my husband likes to call them) she sleeps with; it's all normalized, with nary a blip on the radar.

The franchise is not without its moments of fan service, but it's hardly a distraction when on the whole the Major is such a gripping character. You might be tempted to label her as a borderline Mary Sue--she's darn near great at everything, from hand-to-hand combat to sniping--except she's got her fuckups as well, especially highlighted in the second season of the TV show. She struggles with her humanity (or her perceived lack thereof), and yet the very things that make her question whether she truly has a "ghost" ultimately proves its very existence. Coupled with an amazing supporting cast--Aramaki, Togusa, and especially Batou, whose unrequited affection for the Major literally pains me to watch--this franchise will have you chewing over it for days.

Or possibly give you nightmares.

After my husband and I watched the TV series, I took it upon myself to finally--finally!--watch the 1995 movie last night, which I had never seen before. Each media version of GitS exists in its own separate universe--the manga (which sadly I have yet to read) is one, the Ghost in the Shell and Innocence movies are another, the Stand Alone Complex/Solid State Society series is a third, and a fourth is the prequel OVA Arise--and they all take on a different, albeit connected, flavor. The TV show pays homage to the original movie several times, and it was fun to spot all the easter eggs.  Take, for example, the thigh-high leggings of the Major in the 1995 movie and the first season of Stand Alone Complex, as well as a shot-for-shot comparison of the Major leaping off a tower:

It's hard to believe, but the Major actually wears more clothes in Stand Alone Complex.

At the very end of SAC: 2nd Gig, Section 9 is decked out in combat gear very reminiscent of the armor they wore in the 1995 movie:

Vintage is the new cool.

And of course, it wouldn't be Ghost in the Shell without Batou screaming out "Motokoooo" ala Marlon Brando in A Streetcar Named Desire:

Starting with her head getting blown off in the 1995 movie...

...and continuing the trend in Stand Alone Complex.

SAC: 2nd Gig -- Now with added Christian symbolism!

I guess my biggest "complaint" about the franchise is that every movie and TV series is so convoluted that it requires multiple viewings and several open Wikipedia tabs to fully comprehend the story. Which, honestly, is an easy price to pay when you're watching a show that actually makes you feel smarter upon completing it. Also, fair warning: If you find yourself as attached to the adorable, cuddly Tachikomas as I was, you're in for some serious heartbreak.

I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T CRY WHEN A ROBOT DIES

Step 18: Stretch Thoroughly Before Partaking in Strenuous Activity

Funnily enough, drawing doesn't affect my dominant arm nearly as much as it does the other one. For whatever unconscious reason, I press down really hard on my left elbow when I'm in the grip of an intense inking session, and I haven't wised up enough yet to put a cushion under it.

Better than carpal tunnel, I suppose.

At any rate, I've been goofing off in photoshop and doodling some panels from my book for no reason other than I've got nothing better to do to occupy myself until I hear back from my queries. Here's a page of the two main characters meeting for the first time:

Down here, asshole.

Goofy, I know, but I can't quite let go of some of my early manga-inspired tendencies. Sometimes a derpy face and a sweat drop is just what's needed to get the point across. I think it's also worth noting that I can't draw perspective to save my life, but I already spent too much godforsaken time on a drawing done simply for shits and giggles, so... meh.

To that end, I'm struggling with the same problem I've faced ever since I made the switch from traditional art to entirely digital. There's something in my sketches that's omitted when I lay down inks; mainly, the energy in my drawing seemingly gets lost in translation. I blame it on easy access to the Command + Z key--every line becomes too perfect, as if a robot drew the picture.

Teach me to be more human, Tachikoma!

Step 13: Go Back To The Drawing Board (?)

What has two thumbs and is back at it again with the white Vans blog posts?

This girl!

Yes, my little jaunt to the Pacific Northwest for fun and fishing was great, but reality can only be pushed to the back burner for so long. A good friend of mine confided in me recently that she has been struggling with the frustrations of personal and professional failure, and boy howdy, do I understand those feels. So, Lindsay, if you're reading this, I'll have you know that I had not one but two rejection letters from agents waiting for me in my inbox when I got home.

Lucky me!

At this point, I'm feeling pretty lost and without direction. I've spent eight months working on something that has gone approximately nowhere, and I haven't the foggiest idea what to do now or how to move forward with my idea. Needless to say, my resolve is sinking faster than the Titanic.

My heart: I'll never let go!
My ego: :::is dead:::

While I was up in Portland I stopped by Powell's Books, which is a famous new and used bookstore that was simultaneously inspiring and depressing. Inspiring, because who doesn't get a hard-on when they walk into the literary equivalent of a pornography warehouse, and depressing, because JFC there are so many authors vying for the tiniest bit of real estate on a shelf. I ended up dropping $12 on a used copy of Five Centimeters Per Second, which is a manga adapted from an anime I had never heard of, but the tagline of "a love story that is as timeless as it is fleeting" tugged on my sucker heartstrings.

Nothing quite like the smell of unrequited love to make you cry in the morning.

I didn't even bother to watch the anime after reading the manga, because my choking sobs upon finishing the comic stopped me from punishing myself further. I'm not sure if it's a cultural difference, or if I'm the only one on the planet who likes happy endings, but the manga left me feeling very unsatisfied. Its depiction of love was almost too real, and if I wanted to make myself feel shitty about failed relationships, I think I'd have more fun sorting through photos of my old boyfriend and drowning myself in a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Obligatory "weeping my way down memory lane" gif.

Still, the art was beautiful, and it made me consider re-adapting Defining Lines into its original graphic novel form. There's something powerfully intimate about a story unfolding in images without the burden of a bunch of extraneous narration. Some of my favorite pages from comics don't even need words; the pictures do more to tell the story than any dialogue could accomplish.

Provided without context.

Step 12: Overshare

Not much to report on the last couple of days. I got two more rejections on my query...

Surprise, bitch!

...but that's okay, because I've been keeping busy. I went to a Decades party with my husband on Saturday where I dressed up as David Bowie:

There's a starman waiting in the sky...

And I'm headed to central Oregon tomorrow to do a little trout fishing with my friend and Dark Horse Comics VP Randy Stradley:

'murica!

That means I probably won't be doing much in the way of updated my blog while I'm gone, but I haven't had a lot to write about since the weekend anyway, unless all two of you readers want to hear about my filthy dōjinshi habit.

What's that?  You do want to know all about my Freudian complex?

Oh, all right, I'll just tell you. It goes like this: Every time I watch Rurouni Kenshin, I inevitably get the itch to read the manga in order to satisfy my need for resolution (because as far I'm concerned, the Jinchū arc is the only true ending to Kenshin). And then after I've sobbed over just how good it is, I begin to crave more, which is pointless because it's been seventeen years since the comic ended and we clearly aren't going to see the Revenge chapters animated anytime soon.

Fuck you, Studio DEEN, for being the biggest cock-blockers in anime.

So, what's a fangirl to do? Well, Archive of our Own has a plethora of Rurouni Kenshin fanfiction that I tap into occasionally, when desperate sexytimes call for desperate measures. I'm not a huge fan of fanfiction, mostly because if someone is a good enough writer, they're probably publishing their own books and not goofing off in the playground of someone else's intellectual property. Not saying that there isn't any good fanfiction out there, but it's less of a treasure trove and more of a jewelry box, so to speak.

However.

Japan has a thriving market of dōjinshi--fan comics--that have trickled their way onto the internet. Some of them are light little fluff-pieces, but the majority of them range from fairly explicit to holy-shit-this-would-make-a-sailor-blush. (Which, if you haven't figured out yet, is obviously fine by me.) And Rurouni Kenshin happens to have some of the very best dōjinshi money or bittorrent can buy.

Literally the most SFW page in this particular story I can post without getting flagged for smut.

The above image is drawn by a dōjinshi circle named Meiji Jyaya, and their art style is eerily uncanny to Watsuki Nobuhiro's, the author of Rurouni Kenshin. Their books are my favorite precisely because of how similar they are to the source material, but if it's the hardcore stuff you're after, look no further than Yamaguchirow.

I can't actually show you a page from Yamaguchirow, so here is Kaoru's reaction if she saw it instead.

Unfortunately, I've mined the internet for just about all the RK dōjinshi Japan has to offer short of flying my ass to the Land of the Rising Sun and selling my organs for some of the rarer books. But I'm nothing if not entirely inventive when left to my own devices, and I'm also a fairly competent illustrator, so not long ago I took a stab at drawing some of my own Rurouni Kenshin dōjinshi:

Kenshin: Kaoru-dono... This one wanted to tell you...
Kaoru: Are you going to fuck me already, or what?

I even went so far as to thumbnail 99 whole pages of a story, which is hilarious, but I'm sure I'll never get around to actually drawing them all. I mean, come on--even I have a life outside of my fandoms, yanno?

And also I can't read half of the notes I wrote in the margins so that's honestly the biggest problem I'm having right now.

I can't tell if Kaoru is biting her thumbnail or giving Kenshin a blow job.